What would Rosa say?

A topical question under our post Covid reality is can we really build or maintain a meaningful relationship with someone over skype? I use Italki quite a lot in my language learning and practice, it’s basically one on one conversations either with a teacher or informal language partner.  I say absolutely yes we can get to know someone and develop a relationship without being in the same room. Let me tell you why.

There is a Spanish word ‘Sabiduría’. I’m not sure we have an equivalent in English – it means the wisdom that can only come with age and life experience. My Spanish conversation partner Rosa was the embodiment of this idea.  She was more than 20 years older than me, had experienced most of life’s ups and downs and cared enough about her students to pass on her life lessons.  I spoke to her about things that I don’t really talk to others openly about – how my relationship with my mother has changed since my father died, the responsibility and worry that I now have for the future as an only child – what is expected of me now and would that prevent me from making the same decisions that my parents did? It’s not that I don’t have other people that I could talk to that stuff about, but Rosa asked. She knew from having a similar experience herself some of the things that I would be feeling and shared with me the experience that her 20 more years worth of life had given her. 

She often made me reflect and question my life choices, and I allowed her to in a way that I don’t allow others. If any other person I know had told me so strongly to be careful, that I might well regret my decision not to have children, I would have had a real rant about who she thinks she is to tell me that.  But Rosa had a certain privilege, an ‘access all areas’ conversation pass that made it completely normal for her to share her opinion and advice in such an open way. She did it out of genuine concern that I was taking the decision too lightly based on what my life looked like now, without thinking how it would be in 20 years. Maybe speaking in your second language makes it easier to be open – I was too busy thinking of the right verb conjugation to filter my answer and just said what was on my mind. Or just maybe, through learning a language I had met someone who truly influenced me. Someone I would have never crossed paths with otherwise but am grateful that I did.

I lost touch with her when I stopped actively studying so much but I genuinely still have moments though where I’m contemplating a decision or a thought enters my head and I wonder ‘what would Rosa say?’ So can we make connections and have meaningful relationships on Skype? Ask my one time surrogate abuela!