Language groups as third places

This is an extract from a talk I did recently for the together I’m possible network – an amazing bunch of people you should definitely check out if you don’t know them already!

Language groups as third places

I’m sitting watching a group of people chatting to each other and laughing, making jokes and sharing their lives – a new job, a fight with their neighbour, their new favourite song.  I can’t help it – a huge smile spreads across my face. A smile that I can’t control, the most genuine kind that comes from deep inside you, one of sheer joy.  I’m proud of what the group has created, I’m grateful to have this space and these people in my life.  I’m talking about my Spanish conversation group – I go every Wednesday come rain or shine, and have done for about 10 years.  We talk about anything and everything. It’s where I understood my first joke in Spanish, it’s the two hours a week where I’m totally present and not thinking about anything else.  I always leave with a spring in my step, feeling like the world (my world atleast) is a little better for it. 

You see this group of people, this space, it’s important to me.  It’s my third place. 

What do I mean by that? What’s a third place and why are they important?

In sociology, a third place refers to a social place or surroundings that are separate from home (your first place) and work (for most people their second place).  So somewhere that isn’t home or work, that you go to regularly to socialise with people.  A third place can be anywhere – a bar or cafe, a sports field or gym, a church, a neighbourhood barber shop. If we think of some examples from TV though we have things like the coffee shop from friends or the bar from cheers.   

In his book ‘the great, good place’ Ray Oldenburg describes some of the characteristics – what makes something a third place?

• It’s neutral ground – nobody is forced to be there out of obligation, everyone wants to be there
• It’s a levelling place – no matter what you do, where you are from, what your background is when you walk in that door everyone is treated equally
• Conversation is the main activity – no big screen TV or smartphone, people are there with the deliberate intention of having conversations with each other
• It’s accessible and accommodating – newcomers are welcomed with open arms
• There are regulars – people who you can expect to see there most weeks
• It’s low profile – it’s not a fancy place and you don’t need to act or dress a certain way there
• The mood is playful – people laugh and joke, and things are lighthearted
• It’s a home away from home – we feel comfortable there and we gain spiritual regeneration from being there

When I reflect on my Spanish conversation group then and what it brings me, it ticks all of those boxes!  When I said I always leave with a spring in my step, like I can take on the world, that’s the spiritual regeneration part that Ray Oldenburg talks about.  I’ve met super interesting people from all walks of life – from a sommelier from Nicaragua to an anthropologist from Mexico, all people who I would never have crossed paths with if it wasn’t for the shared language.  That brings me to my own take on this – it’s not the place that’s important – it’s the people.  It’s the people that create the community! 

In a world that’s suffering a loneliness epidemic, where there are less and less shared spaces like this, and less sense of community because of that, I’m more grateful than ever for the ones that I have and the people that make them.

Shoutout to our current hosts Bealim House – super welcoming place with a great selection of drinks!